anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
