Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize