Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i drank out of a bidet.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Congratulations! We have a period
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