I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
