I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
