Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
