I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
