Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize