ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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