FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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