you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
