I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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