Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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