I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
