Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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