On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
