I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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