My sheets look like a crime scene.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Randomize
