Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
