you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I can't turn off my feet"
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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