You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
