I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
