We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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