I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize