the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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