Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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