I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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