I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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