So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
