As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
