Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
