Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
