I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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