if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
