You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Come back. Shots need mouths.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
