just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
