EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I currently don't understand fingers.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
