is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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