respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
And then my night got REAL pukey
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
