Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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