the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
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