I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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