after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
