She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize