I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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