i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
