pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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