I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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