no, he came in my armpit
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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