good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
