The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
