it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
