i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
party gras won. party gras always wins.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
