i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
i think my cat just said my name.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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