Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
