My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
there's paper in my vomit.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize