and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
