dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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