Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
