Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize