they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
