I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
