We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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