He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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