the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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