Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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