Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
